enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
