I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
