Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
