when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
