Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
