Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
