I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize