girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
