Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
