How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
