and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
