ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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