I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
