any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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