Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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