Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
