for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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