i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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