Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
