I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize