Apparently you make a good broom.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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