Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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