if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
