I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I AM VODKA MAN
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize