guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
