He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sarcasm needs its own font
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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