What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the day after is always just damage control
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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