i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
