"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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