well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
