The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
