If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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