Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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