do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My ass is underappreciated
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
