Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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