I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
