I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
one might say we're banned from that church
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Less talking, more tequila
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
