I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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