im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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