Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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