I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
