It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your cock deserves a montage
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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