Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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