I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Couch. On fire.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
