pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
