Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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