Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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