The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
