I cannot find my penis.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
