How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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