And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
