That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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