ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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