I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
