The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
