Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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