She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
