he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
