Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Randomize
