just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
