Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
