You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
