Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize