So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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