Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
