Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
