I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
